I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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