omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
