For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
