GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
