dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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