i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
