Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
