is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
