I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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