Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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