Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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