I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry about my life...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
