I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just google imaged poop.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
