I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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