ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
