I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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