And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
