it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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