So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize