I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
