Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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