I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
