me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
