No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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