Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
