life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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