You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize