Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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