Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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