There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
