I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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