He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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