Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
