he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
