This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
