This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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