I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
