dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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