The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
