I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize