She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize