kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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