Pants 0. Shit 1.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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