i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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