Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Two words: blizzard sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
