I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
