I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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