Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
