Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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