Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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