Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize