Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
barbara walters just said penis...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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