I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
