I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
