Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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