Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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