dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
