You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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