good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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