She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
