I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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