There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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