It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
