So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
