your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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