Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
