He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
