i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
