I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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