And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
