DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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