Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize