There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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