Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
