i think i have herpe
just one?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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