Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
