Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize