P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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