Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
